Things are Looking Up

I feel better than I have in a while. I’m not gonna lie–it was touch and go for a little while a few weeks back. I had a change in medication and it threw me for a loop that lasted a couple of weeks. It was at the worst possible time, too, (is there ever a good time for extreme nausea and moderate depression?) because I’m working hard to make my deadline of having Book 2 of The Gateway Series out by November. It’s the tightest deadline I’ve ever held myself to, so being sidelined for two weeks was the last thing I needed.

What I want to focus on though, is even with feeling both mentally and physically awful, I did my best to stay centered. I kept my awareness–as best I could–on the fact that this would pass, and sooner or later I would feel ready to be part of the world. (There was a one week period where I didn’t leave the house–when I felt up to eating, I ordered in.)

I think that shift in focus–from it will always be this way to this too shall pass–made for an easier re-entry back into the world when I was up for it. Although I was still plagued by the feelings of “I’m a loser” that often accompanies a bout of depression that seems based in nothing, I was able to hold those feelings somewhat at bay. And the truth was, there was a reason. A change in medication always precipitates side-effects of some kind. It’s just hard to accept that sometimes when I’m in the throws of an episode.

In keeping with my goal of progress not perfection, I’m taking this as a win. It was a rough couple of weeks, but I’m back, I’m writing 3-4k words a day and am preparing for a trip to Europe with my mother. (During which I will be researching Books 2 and 3 which take place almost exclusively in France and Italy.)

I’m not sure if anyone else is interested in the inner workings of my mind and/or my struggles with depression, but it is no secret that many creative types have suffered similarly, so I thought I would share it on the off chance it would resonate with some of you.

Here’s to hoping I continue to feel great, and hoping all of you do, too!